Born free
Born on 1st July 1939, he would have been 82
today. If he was born on 1st July 1939.
Instead, if we were to go by the date when his birthday was ‘officiated’
and ‘celebrated’ for the first time, then he’d be 20…only 20.
The first time he ‘celebrated’ his birthday was on 1 of July,
2001. The date of his retirement.
He had served the college for nearly 4 decades and given his sweat and blood to it.
A grand send-off was arranged. My mum and I were representing
his family (my brother couldn't attend due to end of year exams) . However, from the moment
I stepped into the college, I realised that we were but a very small part of the
very large family he had built. We were the most important part mind you, but a
very small one indeed.
Speeches were made, garlands were adorned, bouquets were handed
and presents given. Finally, just when he thought that was that, an old friend
and colleague walked in with a cake – a large sponge cake covered in white icing
and yellow butter-cream roses. Everyone began singing ‘Happy birthday to you’
in unison, and the surprise and happiness that filled his face were un-missable.
And that was the very first time that his birthday was celebrated.
Having lost his mother at a tender age of six, no one ever
knew when his birthday was. His three sisters were born on certain major or
minor Hindu festivals making it a convenient coincidence. (No one knows whether
it was in fact convenience or coincidence, but the girls had specific days to
hold on to. Perhaps, it was girls being girls…but not this man).
As a child, I would often ask my dad when his birthday was. Frustratingly,
he would give me three, sometimes four dates between February and August,
including 1st July, which was the date on his matriculation
certificate. He would joke 'I am born free'..
While not knowing ones’ own birthday was a great topic of entertainment
& frustration for me, it wasn’t until this cake cutting ceremony in 2001, that
I realised that he missed having his own day. As he started to cut the cake, his
eyes moistened and he mumbled in a trembling voice … “this is the first time
I am cutting a cake for myself”.
And thus, 1st of July became his ‘real birthday’.
And the annual celebrations began.
We celebrated his birthday in Singapore, US and UK; with his
family, his sister, his nephews and nieces, his grand-children, his friends,
his colleagues; their families, their friends and their colleagues….all of whom
were part of his big family.
He’d be 82 today. And boy, I miss him! There are thousand things
I miss about him; and miss him for and of course, I miss him in his entirety. But,
if there is one thing I miss the most, is our long chats…the ’gappa’ as he
called them.. over long distance calls, on walks, during car drives, on park
benches, on the sofa, in the garden, even perched up on someone’s compound wall
in London, because he was too tired of walking!
I miss those ‘gappas’ .. in Hyderabad, in Singapore, in London,
in Seattle, in Paris.
Those ‘gappas’ about politics, nationalism, education, life,
society, history, economics, commerce, religion, philosophy, literature,
technology, social-media, cinema, names of new heroes and heroines (he took
particular interest in knowing all their names and watching all the new movies because
he thought it kept him young)
I miss having that one person, with whom you could talk
about anything…for hours! I know many people cannot boast of having such a
person in their lives, but I did…
...and
he would listen; and engage; and debate; and deliberate; and persuade; and disagree;
and argue; and even fight…
…but
never humiliate; or demean; or belittle; or taunt; or patronise, or ridicule, or
mock.
At the end of every session, I would always come out as a wiser,
calmer, and a better person…
…and yet at the end of every session, HE would say, “really,
I enjoyed our talk Palla, thank you for that”!
Thank YOU, Appaji! Thank YOU! For always being the giver...
...for thanking others for what they took from you....your knowledge, your wisdom, your time, your hard work, your money, your happiness, your laughter..
..and never wanting anything in return. Thank you!
And happy 20th birthday!
